Finding My Mom Rhythm

Liam is almost six months old and its been just recently that I feel like I've finally found my rhythm as a mom. I read a book a few months ago called "Mom Connection" by Tracey Bianchi. This book was given to me as a gift and focuses on cultivating relationships with other moms as well as developing a unique rhythm for your family.

I like to compare motherhood to swimming. I used to love swimming. In fact, at one point I was swimming a mile a day while in college. I love the way my body feels when swimming. My arms and legs move together in a pattern that propels me through the water while my head, mouth, and lungs develop their own rhythm that allows me to breathe at just the right time. The rhythm of swimming stretches and strains my muscles in ways that make me rejoice in the wonder of God and how he has uniquely designed the human body for exercise. Granted, swimming requires you to exert effort that sometimes feels impossible. There are times when I'm swimming that I'm not sure if my lungs will hold out for the next opportunity to breathe or if my muscles will continue to propel me to the other side of the pool in spite of some cramping. However, I always leave the pool feeling accomplished and looking forward to my next swim.

Motherhood is so much like swimming. If you don't develop a rhythm, you are just flailing around in the water, doing your best to keep from drowning. This is exactly how I felt up until a month or so ago. It seemed impossible to imagine the day when life would include routine again. I looked at other moms who seemed to have found their rhythm and sighed at their accomplishment of what seemed to me an impossible task. I wished that I could be like them instead of dreading what tomorrow would possibly bring. I felt like my life as a mom was just so unpredictable and that the end of every day saw me treading water - not going anywhere, just trying to stay above water.

After we moved to Fort Collins at the beginning of January I realized that I had no excuses for not developing my mom rhythm. I was done with school, we were done with packing (for awhile anyway), and Jace now had a consistent schedule at work. There was no reason for me to continue treading water. I needed to put my face in the water and start swimming.

I decided to develop a loose schedule of when Liam would nap, eat, and bathe. Jace and I also decided to move Liam's bedtime up by an hour and to wake up before him in the mornings instead of just waiting for him to wake us up. Liam started sleeping through the night about a week after we moved. He sleeps in his own room every night and usually sleeps a solid 10 1/2 hours. He still hasn't quite gotten the hang of regular naps and still takes three of four naps a day that are anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half long. Liam also isn't exactly regular at when he eats but I let go of that strict schedule a looong time ago! I let him tell me when he's hungry and when he's full. He's been doing really well with solids. Liam eats solids once a day and has tried rice cereal, bananas, apples, pears, mango, and today he tried butternut squash. So far his favorite is mango!

I feel so much better now that Liam and I have developed a rhythm. I'm not scared of waking up in the morning because I have no idea what the day will hold. Granted, every day brings something new and unexpected. Just like swimming when your lungs start to burn or a muscle is cramping, there are days in motherhood that seem impossibly hard and painful. These are days when you question your ability to keep swimming. However, I've learned that those days can be part of my mom rhythm as well. Most importantly though, and what I'd like to tell other first time moms, is that every mom should develop a unique rhythm that best suits her and her family. When I decided that it was impossible for me to be like other moms because one, I'm unique and two, my baby and family are unique, I was able to accept Liam's natural rhythm and appreciate the individual that he is.

Liam is a gift from God and I should know by now that God's gifts are unique to the recipient. He doesn't give all his children identical gifts. How boring would that be?! I am constantly reminded that Liam is exactly who God wants him to be and that my job as his mom is not to make him like anybody else. My job is to teach Liam to love God. The best way to do that is to love Liam and match my rhythm to swim with him.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14 NIV

Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy Part 4: I Reminisce About Life Before Liam

This will be the fourth and final post in my "Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy" series. I've procrastinated writing this post because of the weight it carries in proving that motherhood is not what I expected it to be and that I am not even close to being the "World's Greatest Mommy."

As a little girl I imagined motherhood as an experience filled with constant joy and satisfaction. The thought of being the mother to a beautiful baby who loved me unconditionally and whose face lit up every time I entered the room was something I had been fantasizing about for years. This picture of motherhood left no room for discomfort during pregnancy, sleep deprivation, and survival mode during the newborn stage of my child's life. In my mind, motherhood was all giggles and happiness.

The first several months of my pregnancy with Liam were easy. I didn't start showing until somewhere around five or six months. I was spared the unbearable morning sickness that so many women complain about and the worst symptom at that point was occasional swelling of my ankles after walking around campus all day. So far motherhood was shaping up to be just what I expected.

Cue months seven and eight...

Waddling around is not fun. Having to pee every five minutes is inconvenient. Not being able to stand up from a sitting position without great exertion is annoying. Swollen feet and ankles that prevent you from wearing anything but flip flops and slippers ruins even the cutest outfit. Not being able to squeeze into tight spaces or even maneuver between the pews at church starts to wear on your nerves.

This is the part of pregnancy when everyone tells you how cute your baby bump is while you're just counting down the days until your due date, hoping that your little bun decides to exit the oven a few days early. This is also the time when I started to realize that Jace and I were running out of time as just "Jace and Sheila." Soon there would no longer be exclusive alone time. I started to mourn the loss of our non-parent coupleness before Liam was even born. In fact, the week leading up to Liam's induction found me in a nostalgic mood more often than not.

Jace chose to propose to me and I chose to say yes. We chose each other as lifelong partners to journey through life together as one. This pregnancy, on the other hand, was a surprise. Jace and I hadn't been planning on getting pregnant for another year! And yet God had other plans. During the final days of my pregnancy, instead of rejoicing in the gift that God was about to bless us with, I was reminiscing and mourning the loss of my life before Liam. Words cannot describe the guilt I have experienced regarding these feelings. Even as I type this I feel the sting of regret and guilt.

During the first weeks and months after giving birth you are in complete survival mode. There is no routine, no schedule, no "To-Do List." You do whatever it takes just to stay alive. You run on little to no sleep, you do your best to fit in a shower while baby is sleeping, you are in pain, discomfort, and a barely sane state of mind. Your emotions are all over the place and you lose sight on several occasions of the light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone keeps telling you that this is just temporary. One day your child will learn to sleep through the night. One day he won't need to eat every hour of the day. One day you will sleep again. But its hard to believe these truths when you feel like nothing more than a human milk machine who spends most of her day bouncing around the apartment because the baby won't sleep without constant motion.

For me the newborn stage was full of tears and wishing that I could push the rewind button on my life and go back to being a newlywed college student who left the confines of her apartment more than once a week to go to church on Sundays. During my darkest hours of newborn motherhood I actually thought about walking out of the apartment and never going back.

Now deep down I know that I'm not the first mom to ever experience such feelings. I know I'm not the first mom to fight a losing battle with breastfeeding. I know I'm not the first mom to cut short her pursuit of a college degree to stay home with her baby. I know I'm not the first mom to experience the gut-wrenching guilt of hearing that her baby has dropped to the third percentile in weight after being exclusively breastfed. However, in those moments when sleep deprivation and hormonal imbalance take control of your emotions, you feel like you're the only first time mom to set foot on the face of the earth. In those moments you feel completely alone in your struggles and you find yourself wishing that your life had never changed from its pre-motherhood blissfulness.

But praise God for his divine understanding of my heart! During my pain and, yes, depression during early motherhood God showed me his faithfulness in so many ways. He sent me exactly what I needed in every difficult situation. I continually thanked God for his provision during this time.

First, I thanked God for the amazing man he has blessed me with for a husband. Jace is an imperfect man who is absolutely perfect for me. I felt safe sharing the undesirable feelings I faced during those dark times. Jace held me as I cried and told me that things would get better. He reminded me that I was a good mom and that someday soon I would be more to Liam than his source of food and transportation. Without Jace I don't know what I would have done. We survived the newborn stage together and I depended on Jace for so much. Jace helped when I felt overwhelmed. He got up to help me in the middle of the night by changing diapers and making bottles when breastfeeding got the better of me. He supported me in my decision to exclusively breastfeed and supported me still when I threw in the breastfeeding towel. I know that Jace was one of God's greatest blessings to me as a first time mom.

I have also thanked God on numerous occasions for giving babies short-term memory. I am not proud of many of my reactions to Liam and his needs while I was sleep deprived and grouchy. I am so glad that Liam will never remember the times when I lost my temper with his innocent yet incessant newborn demands. I'm thankful that he won't hold against me the hunger pains I'm sure he suffered from while he struggled to nurse and finally gave up from exhaustion. I pray that as Liam grows, his memories of me will be of how much I love him and the joy that he brings to my life.

I thank God that he designed it so that babies learn to smile when they do. When Liam learned to smile in response to external stimuli I was at the end of my physical and emotional ropes. I did something that either brought him pleasure or that he found funny and a grin spread across his little face. Instantly my mommy batteries were recharged! Not that they stayed that way for long, but I now knew that I was someone special to Liam. I knew that he recognized me as something more than food. The fact that Liam was starting to recognize me as his mom reassured me that I must be doing something right. Now when I walk into a room, Liam immediately keys in on my presence and is excited to see me. More than one person has remarked on how intently he watches me and how obvious it is that he knows I'm his mom.

Another of God's greatest provisions to me as a first time mom was the community of other moms. Its comforting to know that you're not alone in the trenches of motherhood. There is always someone else who is fighting the same battle. One friend of mine in particular whose daughter was born the day before Liam was a great source of encouragement to me during the tough times of the newborn motherhood stage. Like me, she is a first time mom and, like me, she fought hard to be able to breastfeed but ultimately weaned her daughter earlier than she would have liked. Every time I saw her after having a rough day or week with Liam I'd learn that she had been experiencing something similar if not the same thing with her own baby. It was such a relief to know that Liam's issues were normal and that at least one other mom was struggling with the same thing.

While I still think back sometimes to the days before I had Liam, I no longer wish that I could go back to them. I love my son and I love the relationship I have with him as his mom. God has taught me so many valuable lessons through Liam and his little (but very strong-willed) personality. I may not be the "World's Greatest Mommy" but I am Liam's mommy and that's just about the greatest job there is.

I'm Back!

After a whirlwind of busyness to start off our new year, we are finally settling into our temporary apartment that we'll be renting until our house is finished. Hopefully we'll be able to move in at the end of February!

We're so glad to be back in Fort Collins. We really missed this city, the church that we had been attending over the summer, and all the wonderful friends we made. Jace and I are so excited to raise Liam and the rest of our future children in such a great community.

Liam has adjusted well to his new surroundings. Since our apartment here has two bedrooms, Liam will transition into sleeping in his own room after my mom flies back to New Mexico today. She was able to help us move up to Colorado by driving our car while I sat in the backseat with Liam and Jace drove the moving truck.

Speaking of helping us with our move, I must thank everyone who helped us pack up and leave Las Cruces as well as those who were here to help and greet us when we arrived in Fort Collins. Our little family appreciated the outpouring of love and graciousness we received from our friends and family who rearranged their schedules to be available to help us.

Now that we're somewhat settled I have lots of plans and goals for the year 2013! I recently finally opened up my new sewing machine that was a gift from Jace for my birthday back in October. I have so many sewing projects that I've been pinning on Pinterest for months now! I plan on making diaper covers, a car seat canopy, a casserole carrier, baby hats, an apron, and much more over the coming months. I also plan on doing lots of memory-making crafts with Liam along with working on his baby book and exploring the world of homemade baby food.

I'm so excited to settle into a family routine that doesn't involve school or moving. I praise God that he's blessed us with the opportunity to begin the new year in a great city with so many exciting things to look forward to!

Christmas Fun!

The Adkins family has been busy, busy, busy with packing and getting ready to move next week!  We were able to take a little break to celebrate Christmas but it was much different from what we're used to.  We spent the day here in Las Cruces away from our families and spent more time packing than anything else!  Because of all the busyness I haven't been able to blog since last week and I don't expect to be able to again until after we move next week.  So I'll be taking a little break from my "Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy" series until then.  Here's a little peek at the Christmas festivities we've enjoyed over the last few weeks...

Checking out the giant Christmas tree outside City Hall.

 

 Liam and Daddy checking out some Christmas lights.

 Liam grabs at everything - including the camera!

 Liam and his Christmas gifts from Mommy and Daddy!

 Liam and our little Christmas tree.  Notice a glimpse of our packing to the right. ;)

 Liam watching Polar Express on Christmas Day in his Daddy's lap!

 Reindeer feet!

 Christmas mid-morning nap!

 Taking a break from our packing to watch Polar Express.  Yeah our place is a mess! :P

 Christmas outfit!

 Reindeer hiney!

Liam loves technology! Try as we might, we can't keep the curious little guy from it!

Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy Part 3: I Gave Up on Breastfeeding

Wow! I feel like I haven't blogged in forever! It has been almost a week since my last post and we have just been so busy traveling around the state to visit family one last time before we move to Colorado that there hasn't been any down time to sit and type.  This post is going to end up being a pretty long one so I knew I needed to wait to start it until I had a good amount of time to work on it.  Thankfully Liam is napping so maybe (fingers crossed!) I can put all my thoughts into words and tell you about my struggle to nurse Liam and why I finally gave up and switched to bottle feeding.  This is a very difficult subject for me and one of the greatest personal evidences that I'm not my idealized version of the World's Greatest Mommy.

I always knew that I wanted to breastfeed all my kids for the better part of their first year.  So many books, blogs, and websites on parenting stress the importance and benefits of breastfeeding.  It offers the best nutrition for babies, it helps you lose the weight you gained during pregnancy, and it allows mommy and baby to bond in a special way.  What's not to love, right?  These sources also weakly warn moms that breastfeeding can be tricky in the beginning but eventually it works itself out and is a wonderful experience. 

When I got pregnant I naively thought that I'd be a pro at breastfeeding.  I figured that since God created me as a woman with the ability to do so it would come naturally for both me and my baby.  In my ignorance I even went so far as to judge women who chose not to breastfeed or who gave up on in within weeks of their child being born.  After all, the World's Greatest Mommy would do whatever it takes to provide the best for her baby -  the best being breast milk of course.  Boy did God humble me.

As soon as possible after Liam was born I tried to nurse him.  I'd been told that this would provide the best chance for him learning to latch on quickly and properly.  Liam seemed to know what he was doing but had trouble latching on that first time.  He continued to have trouble the next several times and we ended up having to spoon feed him expressed milk that first night.  By the way, this is not an easy feat.  It takes at least two people and the poor baby has to basically lap up the milk like a kitten. 

Liam lost a few ounces of weight during those first 24 hours which isn't necessarily surprising or anything to worry about except that Liam was a small baby and the nurses seemed a little anxious about him losing any weight.  Our first day in the hospital we were visited by a lactation consultant who gave us tips on how to get Liam to latch on.  As the inexperienced first time mom I am, I took everything she said and did as fact even when she told me to nurse Liam while he was getting a shot because it would supposedly cause him to nurse for comfort.  I'm not a breastfeeding expert but to me it seems like that would have the exact opposite effect on a baby.  Wouldn't they just end up associating breastfeeding with pain?

Our second day in the hospital we were visited by the lactation consultant again by our request.  I had been told that a nipple shield might be the best option for helping Liam latch on and stay latched on long enough to nurse.  After we received the shield and started to use it we definitely felt better about the breastfeeding situation.  However, the lactation consultant also suggested that I pump after every feeding and supplement Liam's feedings with pumped breast milk in a bottle.  Since this is what we were told to do by a "professional" we of course followed her instructions.

After we left the hospital and took Liam home we followed the regimen given to us by the lactation consultant to a tee.  A few days later we had an appointment with Wee Steps, a free program for breastfeeding consultations and support.  Liam weighed in at less than what they thought he should and so we were given new instructions to make sure that Liam drank a certain number of mL of breast milk over the course of a day.  This meant that even after nursing Liam we had to make sure to feed him a full "feeding" of pumped breast milk.

With the introduction of more bottles, Liam became less and less interested in nursing which was already very difficult for him.  I also seemed to be producing less and less milk even though I felt like I was constantly pumping.  I tried every recommendation for increasing my milk supply including taking an herbal supplement and drinking tea that was supposed to boost milk production.  While these things seemed to work a little, it wasn't enough to fill up Liam's tummy and help him grow.  Eventually we started supplementing with one feeding of formula each day just to maintain our sanity.

After supplementing with a feeding of formula each day for a week or so we noticed that Liam seemed more gassy and wasn't pooping regularly.  In fact, he went 11 days without pooping.  So when Liam was four weeks old I decided to switch him back to exclusive breastfeeding.  He seemed to catch on at first which gave us encouragement that it would work this time.

At Liam's two month pediatrician appointment he had gained less than a pound since his one month appointment.  This didn't seem to worry our pediatrician but we were definitely concerned that Liam went from the 10th to the 3rd percentile on growth charts.  Also around this time Liam started to become more and more frustrated with breastfeeding.  I thought that he was just going through a phase or a nursing strike or something and he would get over it soon.

Just before Liam turned 10 weeks old Jace went up to Colorado to look at model homes while I stayed in Las Cruces with Liam.  That weekend was the worst few days of my life as a mom.  Liam refused to nurse and every time I tried to nurse him he kicked, screamed, and slapped me.  I literally spent hours trying to get him to eat for just a few minutes.  Eventually he would get too tired to fight me and would just fall asleep until his hunger pains woke him up and we started the vicious cycle all over again.

The week following that weekend without Jace turned into our weaning week.  And when I say weaning I really mean that Liam and I quit breastfeeding cold turkey.  Liam started drinking only bottles and I pumped gradually less and less everyday for about two and a half weeks until I finally dried up.  During those couple of weeks Liam gained almost two pounds and became a much happier baby.  I continued to struggle with the decision to quit breastfeeding for several weeks but I kept reminding myself every time I saw Liam's chubby-cheeked smile that we did what was best for OUR baby. 

I gave exclusive breastfeeding without any bottles six weeks and sometimes I feel a tinge of guilt when I think of how hungry Liam must have been during that time.  However, God has redeemed our breastfeeding fiasco and used it to humble me.  I no longer silently judge those women who throw up their hands in surrender after battling the breastfeeding war for what seems like an eternity.  Six weeks may not seem like a long time to non-parents but when you're a new mom who isn't getting any sleep and who can't understand why her own child refuses to find comfort and nutrition from her, six weeks feels like a lifetime.  I find myself full of compassion for moms who can't breastfeed for one reason or another.  I'm one of those moms. 

I also realize that my ability to breastfeed is not what makes me a great mom.  I made a decision (an extremely tough one!) to put aside my selfish reasons for wanting to breastfeed in order to give my son what he needed.  I know all the experts say that "breast milk is the best milk" but if you're baby is starving then any milk becomes the "best milk."  And as for the bonding aspect of breastfeeding, there's not much bonding going on when your baby is screaming and fighting to get away from you.  I spend all day, everyday with my son, if we aren't bonding then I don't know what bonding is!    


I know I'll try breastfeeding again with our future babies but now that I've experienced breastfeeding at its worst I think I'll know when to keep trying and when to throw in the towel and pop open a can of formula. 

Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy Part 2: My Kid Looks Like a Street Fighter

Sorry its been so long since my last post! This week has been kind of crazy for our family.  Liam had his 4 month checkup on Tuesday (even though he's now 4 1/2 months old) and while we were out we decided to get our grocery shopping for this week done.  Yesterday was stressful between me finishing up my last final, Liam running a low fever as a result of getting shots at his checkup, and Jace feeling sick while trying to study for his last final.  Today is shaping up to be a little stressful as well.  I'm trying to break Liam from needing to be swaddled all the time and he's not too happy about it.

This kid has been relying on his swaddle for EVERYTHING!  He won't eat, sleep, or ride in his carseat without being swaddled.  This wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't now strong enough to bust himself out of the swaddle which leads to waking himself up multiple times during the night and needing to be re-swaddled.  So last night we laid him in his crib without swaddling him to see if he could put himself to sleep without it.  Of course he started crying when he realized that he was expected to go to sleep with no swaddle.  I let him cry it out for five minutes then went in to comfort him and calm him down.  After he was calm again I would leave the room.  He would start with the crying again and, again, I would wait five minutes before going in to comfort him.  This lasted 45 minutes until I thought that at last he had fallen asleep.  He had.  Unfortunately, that only last about 20 minutes before he woke up crying.  I gave him five minutes, comforted him, then gave him another five minutes.  This time it only took ten minutes before he was asleep again.  He slept swaddle-less for six hours, woke up to drink a couple ounces of milk and slept another two hours before he was up for the morning. 

While I'm glad that he made it through the night after the initial struggle to fall asleep, I was sad to find him in his crib this morning with a few scratches on his head and face.  That's what happens when you're a wild baby who's used to be swaddled at night.  You don't know what to do with those hands of yours so you flail them around and inevitably find your face a few times. 

So there you have it, the fact that this morning my baby looks like he got in a street fight proves that I'm not the World's Greatest Mommy.  If I was then Liam's fingernails would never be long enough to scratch himself.  However, with everything else that being a mom packs into a day sometimes clipping the fingernails of a squirmy 4 1/2 month old does not get crossed off the to-do list.  I'm just glad that Liam's pediatrician appointment was on Tuesday and not after his late night brawl.  And for anyone reading this who is now concerned about the safety of my son, don't worry I'll make sure to keep his fingernails short now that he won't be swaddled at night anymore. ;)

God did use last night to help me realize even more that even as Liam's earthly parent I am incapable of giving him exactly what he needs when he needs it at every second of the day and night.  Last night while Liam was crying in his crib I just kept praying and asking God to comfort Liam and that Liam would take hold of the amazing comfort that God offers us all.  I knew that even if I gave Liam the comfort of swaddling, he would still end up needing more than that.  At some point during the night he would wiggle out of the swaddle and wake up needing comfort.  I prayed that God would give Liam the constant comfort he needed to sleep through the night.  And when Liam did finally fall asleep I praised God for His wonderful power.  God did something that I, even though I am Liam's mom, could never do for him.  God gave him peace, comfort, and rest without the use of a pacifier, swaddle, swing, rocking chair, or any other man made method for soothing tired babies.  I'm definitely not the World's Greatest Mommy but I know that not even she could do what God did for Liam last night.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort"  - 2 Corinthians 1:3

Liam, unswaddled, in his swing this morning. He woke up angry shortly after I took this. :P

Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy Part 1: I Crave Predictability

So for the first post in my "Why I'm Not the World's Greatest Mommy" series I decided to talk about how craving predictability has gotten in the way of me being the "perfect" mom.  I am someone who thrives in routine and loves to have a plan and schedule to follow on a daily basis.  When I got pregnant I made many grandiose plans for how I was going to set up a schedule for Liam starting on day one so that he would fall into a routine that fit into my life.  However, after Liam was born I quickly discovered that newborns have their own routine and rhythm.  They don't care that you're tired or hungry or just need five minutes to jump in the shower.  They don't understand that your body still aches from the toughest workout imaginable - giving birth!  Newborns want what they want when they want it.  Or at least that's how it feels. 

During the first few weeks of Liam's life I had to constantly remind myself that he was only responding to his little body.  When he felt hungry he only knew that there was a pain in his tummy.  He depended on me to fix that.  When his diaper was full he only knew that he was uncomfortable.  He depended on me to fix that.  When his body was tired  he only knew that motion made it easier to fall asleep.  He depended on me to fix that.  Newborns aren't malicious and they don't interfere with your schedule due to a personal vendetta.  But as the imperfect human I am, I have often felt that Liam is out to sabotage my routine.  I don't like the feeling of going to bed each night not knowing how much sleep I'm going to get and I hate waking up with a list of things to do but not knowing if my day with Liam will allow me to get much accomplished.  Like I said, I crave predictability.

God has really used Liam and his unpredictability to reveal to me what is and is not important during my life here on earth.  Whenever Liam interrupts me when I'm folding laundry, washing dishes, cooking dinner, getting ready to go somewhere, or working on an online assignment for one of my classes I have the choice to either become frustrated and loathe my job as a mom or take a deep breath and embrace the moment.  Being Liam's mom is a blessing.  Sometimes its so tempting to just find a quick fix to whatever Liam is fussing about so that I can get back to my to-do list.  I have to make the conscious decision to enjoy Liam for who he is right now.  I remind myself that in twenty years I won't remember how messy our apartment was or the fact that I wore my hair in a ponytail more often than not when going out in public.  But I will remember whether I spent enough time with Liam while he was growing up. 

God has given me the job of being Liam's mom during my time here on earth.  And my greatest responsibility as Liam's mom is to show him God's perfect love by being an example of love.  I don't know about everyone else, but when I think of perfect love stressing about cleanliness and hygiene don't come to mind.  Perfect love to Liam is laughing together, cuddling, singing, reading books, playing, baby talk, and telling him how much Jesus loves him.  Its hard for me to let go of predictability so that I can fully embrace and love my son, I know that the only way I can do this is because God first loved me.  God's display of love through the sacrifice of his only Son reminds me to spend every minute of life loving mine. 

Liam at 3 weeks